User Profile

I support:






If you are seeking help and don't know where to find it, below is a list of resources to help you.


1800 Suicide - Connects you to a Crisis center in your local area
(More coming soon!)





iHope stands for 'Hold on people everywhere' for people who are stuggling with depression, anxiety and suicide. I started this site because i myself am one of the many people in this world who stuggled( and still is struggling) with all of the three, and is on the road to recovery. I would like to reach out to those who feel there is no hope left, because there is. I am not a professional counsolor, nor do i claim to be. I am just a normal teen who lives in a normal town that is facing the same everyday things as everyone else does. I hope my story gives someone the courage to do what i did, and seek help immediately. Though it took me sometime, if it wasnt for my religous beliefs and the suicide help line, i don't think i would be here today. But I am not here to discuss my religous beliefs, i hope that you seek help in whatever you think that might help you, and not cutting, because that is never the answer, because there are so many things and people out there who can help you. So please speak up to someone, they might change your life. OR save it.


My story
(Please be aware that there are alot of other details and facts missing. I couldnt add everything and i wanted to keep it some what rated G.)

My story begins 3 years ago. The core of it, anyway. It's long, so embrace your self. I never really knew much about depression, anxiety or panic attacks before my brother in law passed away (from cancer). Yeah i experianced panic attacks before, but i never knew what they were and they never lasted more than a few seconds, so i payed no mind to them. That was until i experianced one that would change my life forever. It was a few weeks before my 15th birthday, that i watched my brother in law pass away from stomach cancer at age 26. I was really close to him, and i've known him basically my whole life, so i never really saw him as my brother in law, I always saw and called him my brother. At his funeral i experianced my first real panic attack. I thought i was dying, and i lost feeling in my legs, temporarily. After that day everything went down hill. I was diagnosed with "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". I couldnt leave my house without feeling like i was going to die, for what i and many other people thought was only going to be a few days or a week.. but lasted for almost 3 years. I soon had to be homeschooled for a few months, but couldnt attend the rest of the year. I went back to school the following year but still couldnt attend classes with out anxiety. So i had to leave again. I went on medication which did not help me at all, I ended up cutting for the first time on them, so i discontinued them. I never went on medication since that day for my panic attacks and depression. Some medications might not help certain people, but it doesnt mean that every medication is like that. I experianced an unfortunate side affect. When i turned 16 i dropped out of school. I moved away from my friends and most of my family and tried to start over at another school and i still couldnt do it. I lost all my friends that i had at my previous school, and for not attending school i didnt make new friends in my new town. I became depressed. Locked in my home every single day, doing the same things over, i couldnt take it anymore. I constantly would have thoughts of suicide.. I thought "What is the point anymore?" Everything i looked at i would think about harming my self. Negative thoughts flooded my mind 24/7. I felt that everyone hated me, that my parents didnt love me anymore and that i was worthless. I wasnt in school, i didnt have a job, nothing was entertaining to me anymore. Coming from a large family with 6 sisters and 5 brothers who have accomplished a lot in life, i felt like a grain of dirt. Today, I'm working toward a new life.


Speak up.
After almost commiting suicide, I called the suicide help line and got directed to a crisis center in my town. The same day i came forward to my mother and father about my feelings and thoughts and got an un expected response. When i thought they wouldnt care or understand.. They did. I called my mom at work and told her that i needed her to come home it was an emergancy. She asked me what it was, and i told her i didnt want to speak about it over the phone.. she said she wouldnt leave unless i told her what is was so i hung up.. a few mins later i got a phone call from my father.. my father isnt one to care much, and he thinks that self harming any everything else is just a big joke.. After a while on the phone with him arguing, i finally screamed into the phone that if someone didnt get to my house immidately i was going to harm my self. He told me to go in my parents room and turn on the Christian channel and lay on the bed, he was too far away to help me. I hungup the phone with my father and called my mother back, i explained to her i needed help right away because i was having thoughts about hurting my self. Not even 10 mins later.. my mother came home from work. We sat down and talked for a few hours. She held me in her arms and i told her everything i was feeling and thinking. Not many people think that their parents care, just as i did. But i knew that i was going to hurt my self, so i called them to seek help before i made an undoable, permanent and selfish descision.


Hope.
Not everyone's parents are going to react the way my parents did, but hopefully they will and they help you seek medical attention or just let you in to talk about it. Don't be scared to confide in someone just because you have a fear of rejection or letdown. There will always be someone who cares. If you think that you are depressed, have anxiety or have thoughts of suicide speak up to someone immediately. And coming forward about your problems doesnt mean you want attention, it just means you want help before its too late. Don't let anyone talk you down and make fun of you to make you feel like you cant tell anyone. There is and always will be hope for you and a better life. It's not going to happen like magic, it takes time. Lots of time and you wouldnt imagine the feeling that you have when you know that you are over coming the darkness and moving forward to the light each day. Just telling my parents took a weight off my chest. It gets better. There is so much more in life that you have left to discover. There are so many people whos life you touched that love you, and you probably don't even know it.


So pick up the phone and call. -> 1800-SUICIDE
OR Talk to a family membmer or friend.
We all feel the same pain as you do.

Anxiety and Depression can both lead into thoughts of suicide, so please get help as soon as possible.



For cutters:
For people who cut, I just wanted to share something with you that helped me.
An alternative to cutting is the rubber band therapy.
Get a rubber band and keep it on your wrist that you cut on,
everytime you get the urge to cut, lift up the rubber band and
let it slap back down on your wrist. It gets rid of the urge and
lets you feel some sort of pain that you want to feel from cutting.


For people who suffer from Anxiety, Panic, and Suicide thoughts:
I know the problem i had was focusing on all these problems when i
was going through them. When i had a panic attack and i felt like a couldnt
breath i would think that my throat was closing and id hyper ventalate.
When i was thinking about hurting my self i would look at different objects and just
wonder how i could use them to hurt my self. Well what helped, and still
is helping me get over that, is just stop your thoughts about it and pick up
something that you love doing. Draw, write, read a book, play a video game
or go on the computer. Focus your mind on something else. Buy a Rubiks Cub! It helps.
Just do something that has to take all your attention.

Friends (2):

Friend of (5):